I spoke recently about letting a toxic person in our lives go. Well, after about a week or so after that happened I still felt great. I felt like I was walking on air so in my infinite wisdom I decided to cut my bipolar meds in half.
This is in fact quite a rash move and as someone pointed out “people with brains that need meds aren’t always the best to make decision about needing to take meds”. This is a valid point and I would say this to anyone who told me they did what I did.
One of the initial reasons I started to take extra medication however was the inability to cope with all the extra things going on in my life. It made my bipolar worse as stress tends to do. Now a good 80% of that stress in gone or is in a manageable form and for one reason or another I was at a place I felt I could comfortably cut back my medication.
Please make no mistake though this isn’t a flippant decision. I’m very proactive about my mental health. I’m very aware of my bipolar, so much so that I’m the only person with mental illness my GP doesn’t refer to a specialist. I’m ultra compliant. Hell, I was the one who asked for extra meds in the first place. I’m the mental health equivalent to a pot plant.
Reducing my medication has been an experience. I’m having to remember what life used to be like. I’m more forgetful and my motivation drops slightly (hello Sunday blog post on a Wednesday). I feel my feelings deeper however I feel a lot more like myself now. I feel oddly more creative and my brain likes to put itself in odd loops (imagine a PC forever repeating a problem until it has a viable solution) but it’s nothing I can’t handle. I rely on routine, my support network and I have to up my self care.
That’s another story for another Sunday, or Wednesday…..