Going down down down

I’ve been what the young people would call salty for the last couple of weeks. I’ve been pissed at everything for the last couple of weeks. Everything has given me the shits and getting sloppy.

This tells me several things

I’m  on a downward shift in mood. I actually thought I was going up because I’ve been getting exponentially creative and pissy. Mania comes out as me getting pissed off because I can’t get rid of all my energy. A swing in either direction boosts my creativity it just depends on how fast the ideas come in as to where I’m at. However the distinct lack of energy means it’s actually a downward slide. I’ve also been neglecting my diet, exercise and self care routine which means it’s going to be a long slide. The saltiness for me in the case of depression is because I just want to struggle with one less thing to do. It’s not that anything is hard it just appears harder.

I need to enact my plan. Believe it or not I have a depression plan which I know sounds lame as hell but on the rare occasion I can catch myself on the way down I have a plan. It mostly revolves around routine. Get up, do the Monday jobs on the right day at the right time. Eat properly and dont drink too much coffee. I also try to move my body doing exercise and read books because I like to fuel my brain with good things. I also stay the hell away from shit social media. I 30 day mute certain people (some whom I actually like) just because they aren’t the most positive and I hide particular posts. My brain is like a sponge for shittiness during these periods. I don’t need to passively absorb more crap than my brain is already producing. I also make sure I shower regularly, do my face mask and hair treatment thing because it makes me feel good.

Side note I hate the term “this too will/shall pass”. Bite my left ass cheek. There are very few people that get away with saying that to me. I find it the most vapid, useless throw away line. It’s like saying ‘things happen for a reason’ or ‘God gives his hardest battles to his toughest warriors’. It’s a thing to say when you don’t know what to say. It offers no tangible help to people whom may need actual factual help. Stop it. Offer hot beverages, friendship and empathy for life’s fuckery instead. Shit say you don’t know what to say but care for the person hurting anyways.

I try and go back to all the good things that’s happened. I remind myself at least once a day of the good things I’ve done, great books I’ve read or the people who love me. If my brain follows it up with an “….I don’t know why they love me…” I try and tack on a “but they still do anyway”. It’s nice to remind myself other people like me even if I don’t like myself. I also enact a minimum list which is a list of basic list of stuff that needs to happen so if my routine all goes to shit I get the basics done. I also try and get help doing a lot of things I’d do by myself so my brain doesn’t implode in on itself.

That’s it. This will be what I’m doing for the next little while. Head down, bum up and one foot in front of the other.

note: the picture on this post isn’t one of mine. It’s by Tuxmillers off a TripAdvisor post

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