…I contoured my face

So one of the things I like to do it watch make up tutorials even though I know 4/5ths of fuck all about make up. It’s mostly drag queens doing their face but I watch make up tutorials none the less. The more I watch them the more I have become aware of something called contouring. It’s where you use a powder or concealer in various shades (normally 2 products one lighter and one darker) than your skin to create optical illusions on your face. Not the kind you see in books with the wierd stairs and shit but more like making my giant forehead look like less giant. Now I’ve seen a few tutorials and even a Kardashian diagram that looks more like graphs that will launch space shuttles than how to make your nose look smaller. Like most things while it looked tricky I was convinced it couldn’t be impossible.

I wasn’t even looking for contour kits when I came across the one I eventually bought. I was actually at the chemist picking up stuff for my dumb hand when, as I do, I was looking through the bargain bin (I’m a bargain hunter what of it?). I came across a Maybelline Master Sculpt kit on sale for like $7 or something. Now it looked to be about the same colour as my eyebrow pencil so in my head it had to be right. What could possibly go wrong?!?

So, I got it, came home and brushed up on how to contour and got a paint by numbers style picture screen shotted onto my phone of what I had to do.  I gingerly put a light coating of brown powder onto a brush and swept it around  on my  face. I promptly had a heart attack because I thought I fucked up. I looked like a kid who had just draw mud lines on their face. In a dead set panic I grabbed a fluffy brush and blended the christ out of the brown smudge. The smudge kept getting softer until it was almost non existant. What DID happen though is suddenly my forehead wasn’t so massive and my face didn’t look so square. The change was subtle but it was there. Upon confirmation with my make up sherpa Rose (everyone say ‘Hi Rose’. She likes Bowie) I didn’t do a bad job.

Now, would I contour my face every day? Nah. I might for a while until I am happy with my skill level but it’s too much for every day. I would contour though for special events and any time I had to look on top of my game.

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