Self sabotage

Have you ever been doing something or started a new project, you’re feeling good and then it all goes to shit? For example you’re proud, feeling good but it’s been 4 weeks and you’re annoyed because you figured you should see more progress. The ‘fuck its’ start to creep in until you’re back to square one.

Self sabotage is a motherfucker isn’t it. You start with all the good intentions in the world but your brain fucks it right up.

Why though? Why do we mess it all up.

I think there are lots of reasons. For myself my biggest area of self sabotage is food and fitness. I can bust my butt at the gym, eat well, then get to a certain point and just upend the whole thing. For me when I start looking good I get scared of actually achieving my goal. What happens when I get there? What do I do then? I even wrote a blog post about being scared of achieving my goals. So rather than actually get there and find out I’d rather screw it up on myself so I’m always working toward something.

I also think that it’s also in part an attitude thing. I know I have the skills and the ability to get fitter. I know what program to do and what to eat. I know ALL that. I think in my head I secretly tell myself what’s the point because you’re not going to get there. I look at my belly and go ‘that’s just being a Mum that won’t ever go’ and making excuses as to why I’ll end up with the fuck it’s. I also know it’s not going to be an overnight success thing but that still doesn’t stop me from being disappointed when I’m not on track.

I think we get scared because as much as we don’t want to admit it we worry about others might say. I’ll be the first to admit if I’m working hard on something and I mention it to someone and they ‘one up’ me or say something like ‘Oh I didn’t even notice’ it’s a bit of a blow to the ego. Not because you want the praise but it’s nice to share the things we’re proud of.

So what do we do about self sabotage? I don’t know because I do it too. I think the biggest things might be make sure the reason or ‘why’ you’re doing something be a thing you really believe in. If it’s something you truely want you’re less likely to find reasons not to. I also think being gentle on ourselves if there is a bump in the road is important. One bad day doesn’t have to turn into half a tub of ice cream, a bottle of wine and a block of chocolate. I also think believing you are worthy of achieving your goals and that these thing take time is a big one too. That will bouy you through when Janet from accounting says something nasty about your awesome new hobby or you haven’t mastered it in 3 weeks.

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