I used to get in trouble a lot and most of it for being a gossip. Now I’ve since calmed my shit and gotten out of that kind of thing and am better for it. However there are still people that treat me like I’m a gossipy old biddy years later. It’s disappointing because I’ve grown a lot as a person and it’s shit that these people can’t see that.
Why can’t they see that though? Sometimes I think it fits people’s ideas better if I haven’t changed. Particularly if they are using it as a reason to be horrible or belittle me. If they acknowledge I’m actually no longer the way they see me then they no longer have justification for how they’re acting. They might have to face their own asshole behaviour.
I think the fact people change can be scary for some. Our son for example is getting older. He’s starting to feel the early effects of puberty and he is changing in a way that’s uncomfortable for me. He’s growing faster than I’m ready for. I want to freeze time for just another year and keep him as a little boy. I mean he has to grow up I get that. I’m not a weirdo control freak Mum or anything but as you get older the world gets harder and I just want one more year to protect him.
It’s not always about how other people see you. Sometimes it how you see yourself. I used to do a lot of heavy lifting however after finding out I have arthritis I can’t lift heavy anymore. The more time goes on the creaking and groaning goes to other parts of my body and I can’t work out like I used to. The way I see myself has changed. I have to let go of the idea I’m part of a bad ass heavy lifting tribe which made me feel special. I have to do my fitness another way and I have to acknowledge the fact I’ve changed. Now I have to find another reason to get out of bed when it’s 2 degrees.