It’s been about a month since my husband got sick. Not your garden variety unwell but proper rush to hospital, concerning doctors, becoming a pin cushion and having to see specialists sick. 2018 for us just seems to have become a carcophany (seriously how good is that word!) of shenanigans. Hand on heart I can honestly say this is sending me more than slightly mental. I can’t tell you how many fucking dummy spits I’ve had on social media. Probably not the healthiest way to deal with things but sometimes you just gotta let it out. The biggest thing this dumpster fire of a year has done is it’s lead me to a bunch of what you could call epiphanies or as Oprah would say ‘ah-ha’ moments. To me most of them are huge but to other people they are probably just common sense.
Note – if you’re here from my personal Facebook page you’ve probaly heard some of these rants before.
The phrase ‘Call me if you need anything’ is fucking garbage. Seriously. When you kinda put it out there to people something bad is going on in your life people always say ‘call me if you need anything’. It’s the easy thing to say when you don’t know what else to say and many people say it because no one ever calls. You know what fuckin sucks? Ringing LITERALLY 20 people who have all used that phrase and 5 or so people reply. It’s the same 5 people every time who pick up the phone or return a text. Same goes for those people who post ‘check on your strongest friends’ memes on social media. Not even a handful of them does and it’s just something to post on social media to look good and then dodge you like they’re Valentine Holmes. I won’t finish the rest of this one because I promised my husband I wouldnt rant too hard anymore on this topic. Sufficed to say this could fill a whole post.
Some people want to help if it makes them look good or feel better. Performative assistance. They want to sit there and have you spill your guts about whats going on and all your hopes and fears because, secretly, it makes them feel less shit about their lives. Alternativly they only want help if they can swoop in and save the day. They want you to be a non functioning mess so that they can ‘help’. When you’re pushing forward, strong and trying to just get it done people are lost and wont help. You seem too ok to be in real trouble. Again could rant for says but I wont because I promised Ads I wouldn’t
Life is too short to be unhappy. Seriously. People and things that are too much hard work or make me miserable I don’t have time for. I recently changed up the way I do fitness because I realised that it was making me miserable. I wasn’t having fun anymore and I just felt bad about myself. I started dodging they gym and not going. Now I’ve changed it up I feel friggin fantiastic. I changed up my social media. Anyone who annoys me, makes me feel bad, or I was following for any superficial reason is gone. I’ve given up trying to buck the system because I think it’s what I should be doing in the way everyone else deems acceptable. I’m going to show up in ways I feel comfortable.
Now I just want to enjoy myself, be myself, hang out with people who are who they say they are and love our little family for what it is. I want to write, create, help people and have fun because a) 2018 has been too much of a dumpster fire not to at this point and b) you never know how long you have so why spend it living how you think you should rather than how you want